Anger is one of the most powerful human feelings. Under his influence, we cease to control ourselves, do and say what we are then sorry. To learn how to express feelings and find compromises will help emotional intelligence.
No one loves confrontation, but there is no getting away from them, such is life. You have to assert yourself, to defend the boundaries and needs, accept the fact that others do the same.
You can express annoyance and despair in a terrible way, a million methods. But if you need a result, it is better to include emotional intelligence.
The role of anger
Anger – both direct and indirect or passive – carries important information and it repels people. We want us to be heard, but if anger is mixed, we get the opposite result. Aggression in any form creates obstacles to emotionally rational communication.
Many tend to
think that passive-aggressive communication is generally a good thing, but this. Unfortunately, resorting to such techniques, people act themselves to the detriment. In French there is an excellent definition of passive aggression: SOUS-Entendu, which means “subtext”. We pronounce the phrase that sounds quite innocent, but in fact, evil intent is hidden in it. If we strive for an honest substantial dialogue and mutual understanding, we need another strategy.
What passive aggression looks like? In fact, this is a hidden injection. This is especially famous for Twitter. When the model Crissy Teygen went to a romantic dinner with her husband John Leddend shortly after the birth of a child, the followers immediately called her a bad mother. Some tweets were clearly aggressive, and some were passive-aggressive, like this:
“I have never been going to throw my daughter, I love her, but this is my business” – here she is, passive aggression!
The study confirms that the hostile communication style always repels. You are aggressive or passive aggressive? The reaction of people will be negative. They are uncomfortable, they do not understand what is the matter, and want to stay away from it.
In some cultures, extreme straightforwardness is adopted-we will take the same residents of New York. They are used to cutting the truth-uterus. If in your environment people communicate differently, this style may seem sharp and rude.
Other cultures are more evasive. Many perceive the French style of communication as a typically passive aggressive. In the south and Middle West, the United States prefers correctness – people behave quite delicately. But the more in the culture of external warmth, the more often you will have to face the cold. Although in fact, none of the listed approaches leads to a desirable constructive.
How to deal with anger?
Anger asks outside, but we remember that aggressive and passive aggressive behavior only repels people. What to do?
1. Realize what is actually happening
Told from anger? Try to cool. Do not rush to splash out indignation in the face, in a message or letter, nothing good will come out. When we are angry, the mind is “stolen”. GRI of the high activity of emotional centers of the brain logical thinking almost does not work. Slow down – vision will become clear, and communication will become effective. Breathe, take a walk, get distracted by a funny movie, pour, pray, do a couple of physical exercises – all that will help to return self -control and objective perception.
2. Understand your emotion
This is really anger? Perhaps you are simply upset or offended. It often seems that a person or a situation has infuriated us, but in fact we feel someone’s rejection, sadness or pain. First understand what kind of emotion is, and then decide whether to communicate.
3. Do not shift the blame on others
You can easily blame a person or the situation. We are hungry, tired, processed, stressful, unhappy in marriage, everything is to blame for everything, as a rule, someone close. It turns out that we push the people we love, this is terrible. It does not become easier – they were not the cause of anger.
4. Be curious
Focusing on the causes of anger, sadness or disappointment, we focus on ourselves. Negative emotions make us egocentrists. There is no place for anyone in our life, because we are too closed to our point of view. What is happening with other people is not considered. It will be useful to develop curiosity in itself. Interested why others act in a certain way. Instead of conflicting, smarter to ask why they do this. Most do not even think to build intrigues, but many insult or angry others by chance. Perhaps the one who caused our anger did not want to hurt us at all. Before you blame, try to understand.